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Old 12-16-2004, 10:00 AM
NetGear NetGear is offline
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Default Hungarian Jokes

Hungarian One-Liners

Q. How do you sink a Hungarian battleship?
A. Put it in water.

Q: Have you seen the Hungarian mine detector.
A1: Put your fingers in your ears and start stamping the ground with your foot.
A2: Start backing up and waving the detector in front of you.

Q: How do you get a one-armed Hungarian out of a tree?
A: Wave to him.

Q: Why wasn't Christ born in Hungary?
A: Because they couldn't find three wisemen and a virgin.

Q: How did the Germans conquer Hungary so fast?
A: They marched in backwards and the Hungarian thought they were leaving.

Q: Why do Hungarian police cars have stripes on the side?
A: So the cops can find the handles.

Q: How do you tell which is the Groom at a Hungarian wedding?
A: He's the one with the CLEAN bowling shirt.

Q: How do you stop a Hungarian army on horseback?
A: Turn off the carousel.

Q: How many Hungarians does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: 3. One to stand on a chair and hold the bulb and the other two to spin the chair.
A2: 100001. One to hold the bulb and the other 100000 to spin the house.

Q: What do you do if a Hungarian throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell - he's still got a hand-grenade between his teeth.

Q: What do you do if a Hungarian throws a hand-grenade at you?
A: Take the pin out and throw it back.

Q: How do you know if a Hungarian has been using a computer?
A: There's whiteout on the screen.

Q: Who wears a dirty white robe and rides a pig?
A: Lawrence of Hungary.

Q: Who wears a forest ranger's hat and carries a can of kerosene?
A: Bungaro the Fire Prevention Bear of the Hungarian National Forest Service.

Q: How did the Hungarian mother teach her son which way to put his underwear on?
A: Yellow in the front, Brown in the back!

Q: How do you know you're flying over Hungary?
A: Toilet paper hanging on the clotheslines.

Q: Did you hear about the Hungarian who married an Amish woman?
A: He drove her buggy.

Q: Did you hear about the new automatic Hungarian parachutes?
A: They open on impact.

Q: Did you see the Hungarian submarine with a screen door?
A: DonÂ’t laugh, it keeps the fish out.

Q: Did you hear about the Hungarian Helicopter crash?
A: The pilot got cold, so he turned off the fan.

Q: Did you know that Hungary just bought 10,000 Septic Tanks?
A: As soon as they learn how to drive 'em, they are going to invade Russia.

Q: Did you hear about the Hungarian who thought his wife was trying to kill him?
A: On her dressing table he found a bottle of "Hungarian Remover".

Q: What's the motto of the Hungarian Solidarity Union?
A: Every man for himself.

Q. Why don't Hungarian women use vibrators?
A. It chips their teeth.

Q: How do you get a Hungarian out of the bath tub?
A: Throw in a bar of soap.

Q: What's delaying the Hungarian space program?
A: Development of a working match.

Q: What are the two biggest Hungarian lies?
A: The check's in your mouth, and I won't come in the mail.

Q: Did you hear about the Hungarian man that locked his keys in his car?
A: He had to use a coat hanger to get his family out.

Q: Why do Hungarian dogs have flat noses?
A: From chasing parked cars.

Q: Did you hear about the Hungarian who studied for 5 days?
A: He was scheduled to take a urine test.

Q: How do you confuse a Hungarian?
A: Put him in a round room and tell him to piss in the corner.

Q: Why are there no ice cubes in Hungary?
A: They forgot the recipe.

Q: What happens when a Hungarian doesn't pay his garbage bill?
A: They stop delivering.

Q: How do Hungarians form a car pool?
A: They meet at work.

Q: How do you ruin a Hungarian party?
A: Flush the punch bowl.

Q: What happened to the Hungarian National Library?
A: Someone stole the book.

Q: Why did the Hungarian couple decide to have only 4 children?
A: They'd read in the newspaper that one out of every five babies born in the world today is Chinese.

Q: What did the Hungarian mother say when her daughter announced that she was pregnant?
A: "Are you sure it's yours?"

Q: Why did the Hungarian sell his water skis?
A: He couldn't find a lake with a hill in it.

Q: You go to a cockfight. How do you know if a Hungarian is there?
A: He's the one with a duck.

Q: How do you know if an Italian is there?
A: He bet on the duck.

Q: How do you know if the Mafia is there?
A: The duck wins.

Q: Why did the Hungarian put ice in his condom?
A: To keep the swelling down.

Q: How many Hungarians does it take to kidnap a child?
A: 12. One to kidnap the child and the remaining 11 to write a ransom letter.

Q: A Hungarian soldier was confronted by a charging German soldier and a charging Russian soldier. Which did he shoot first, and why?
A: He shot the German first--business before pleasure.

Q: How does a Hungarian Firing Squad stand?
A: In a circle

Q: Why does the new Hungarian navy have glass bottom boats?
A: So they can see the old Hungarian navy.

Q: How do you keep a Hungarian in suspense?
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Old 12-16-2004, 3:40 PM
boedark boedark is offline
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